Drank the last drop of my Soju tonight, also read some good blog that talks about relationships, unreciprocated ones that is, that actually gave me a clear realization of what was really going on.
This life that I’m currently living, It actually made sense to me now. That people, they come and go. and having friends doesn’t give you the assurance that they will always be there for you, 70% of them would just be good acquaintances, 20% are fake and only 10% is genuine. you’d be lucky if that 10% .exist though…haha (bitter lang)
Well okay, I’d be honest that at this moment I’m having friend troubles, It’s not even a secret that my best friend and I are already in the brink of saying goodbye, what I mean to say is that he is still dear to me, and it’s not that I stopped caring at all. I love this guy too much that’s why I want to keep him for as long as I can. And yes, I know that I’ve made some bad decisions before when I asked him to forget about me. I thought It’d be for the best. but I was wrong, I already said I’m sorry and tried to explain everything to him through text. and trust me, as much as I wanted to try to explain things to him personally he wouldn’t even give me a chance to see him.. It’s really hard to explain things to people especially if they don’t want to hear it. and I think that he doesn’t even wanna know why, cause maybe, for him..reasons would be unnecessary cause the damage has been done. and I’d understand if the guy still hates me.. I hate myself too..and though he said that we’re okay.. for me It doesn’t feel like it, and it’s not that I don’t believe him. I do.. It’s just that I’ve already made a lot of effort and non of those are being appreciated.
It’s plain sad and stupid. I know, I’m too miserable for quite sometime now. and nobody likes to be miserable.
I’m already out of ideas of how to please you. I wanna give myself a chance to stop being miserable. and if it’s okay, can I stop chasing after you? is it really okay if I give up on you now? after 8 long years of being the queen of unrequited love..can I stop now? even if it kills me to say goodbye, I think now is the time for me to realize that there’s more to dA3′s life than you.
Korny talaga ang LOVE..kaya nga kahit mukha na lang akong ewan eh effort padin ako mapangiti ka lang. ako kaya kelan ngingiti ulit?
I just remembered the very 1st love advice that I heard from mom..
“Dae, tigilan mo na si _ _ _ , wag mong ibaba yung sarili mo sa kanya.”
she said those words while we we’re eating breakfast, the morning after his day. I didn’t tell mom anything, she just saw me gave out a heavy sigh. and at that moment I almost cried. but as usual, I have to contain myself..I don’t want dad to see me like that.
Is it too obvious? I never told anyone in my family about him. and those words coming from my mom. It did hit me. I think I’m being too desperate to get back on his good books, It’s true that I had my CHANCE and I blew it. and I don’t want to regret what I did, coz I know at some point, it made him happy.
I know, it’s not his fault that I liked him for this long.. and he didn’t asked me to keep on chasing after him, he didn’t said he wanted my messages and my explanation. and finally, he never said he still want me in his life.
Baka nga hindi nya na kasi ako kailangan, bakit ba naman kasi ipinipilit ko yung sarili ko sa’yo? Sorry kung hanggang dito na lang yung kaya ko. hindi naman to madali sakin eh, pero baka mas maging okay kung titigil na lang ako.. mukhang okay ka na naman talaga e. sabi sakin ni Momy Eva gawin ko lahat ng effort para maging okay tayo.. nanghihinayang din kasi sya sa friendship natin…lalo ako, sobra.. pero pano ko gagawin yun kung ayaw mo na talaga? na dahil sa isang pagkakamali ko noon, di mo na talaga ako mapatawad. hanggang ganun lang pala tayo?.. I mean, hanggang dun lang pala ako sayo. sabi ko pa kakayanin ko lahat para sayo, gagawin ko yung lahat mapangiti ka lang..na hindi ako susuko. pero nakakapagod din pala.. nung ako kasi yung nagkamali noon hinayaan mo lang akong mawala..walang kahit konting effort just to make me stay. ngayon ko lang yun narealize. ngayon todo effort ako pero hindi mo talaga ako pinapansin. and I think baka ito talaga yung gusto mo. and if with this, you’ll be more happy. wala na akong mahihiling pa.
Thank you! this experience actually gave me a lot to learn from. it made me understand how life goes, proves me that things do change and so do people, and that you should learn when to give up on people. let them go so that you could meet more amazing people.
and now I’m back on square one. I know It’s never gonna be easy, but I have to. and again,
THIS IS LIFE.
Posts
